Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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