My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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