I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
