Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
