note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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