and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
