I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
