u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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