im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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