Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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