Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
