M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
