you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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