can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
