do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
