Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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