i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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