so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
