I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
