I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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