I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
