In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
