i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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