idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
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Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think i got beer on your cat.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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