im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize