I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
