he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm just crazy horny about you
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
