Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
