i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Randomize
