I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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