Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
