Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
