You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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