It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
