I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
