i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
