they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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