why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
