pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
