Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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