if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
