I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
