i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Who died my cat blue again?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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