Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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