literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
