Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
