i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
