Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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