Soap is not a condiment
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
