the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
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