whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
