i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
