Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
