i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
