My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
