i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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