apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
