Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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