i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
