Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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