I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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