What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
