My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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