Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
