you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
