I can't watch pbs sober anymore
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
