do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
