Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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