Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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