Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
