Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
