I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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